Carolina Panthers 24 Denver Broncos 13
The Panthers avenge their last season’s Super Bowl loss with a two score victory over the defending champs. Trevor Siemian will be making his first NFL start against the vaunted Carolina defense which doesn’t bode well for the Broncos. It’ll be a close game but a late Kurt Colman pick six propel Carolina to victory.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 28 Atlanta Falcons 24
Doug Martin runs rampant on the poor Falcon’s defense while Jameis Winston does his best Alex Smith impersonation and manages the game masterfully. As he must be pretty used to at this point, Julio Jones will put up over a buck fifty and a score in a losing effort.
Minnesota Vikings 20 Tennessee Titans 13
The Titans unleash their thunder and thunder rushing attack with rookie Derrick Henry and DeMarco Murray to no avail. The Viking’s front seven shuts down both running backs. Quarterback Shaun Hill looks great as he hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson who’s second touchdown proves to be the difference in this game.
Cleveland Browns 16 Philadelphia Eagles 26
This one plays out almost exactly as you’d expect. RG3 plays in his first start for the Browns and plays the way he played his last start in Washington, bad. Carson Wentz throws one touchdown and two picks in an uneven Eagles debut.
Cincinnati Bengals 31 New York Jets 17
Andy Dolton starts 2016 right where he left off in 2015 by putting up 341 yards with 3 touchdowns. Revis continues to show his age and has trouble matching up with the otherworldly A.J. Green . The Jet’s offense runs into a tiger striped wall and fails to get anything going.
Oakland Raiders 34 New Orleans Saints 28
The Raiders get off to a fast start on the fast track of the Super Dome. Amari Cooper, Seth Roberts, and Michael Crabtree all find their way to the end zone. Oakland’s defense stifles Drew Brees and the Saints offense , but does give up two garbage time touchdown passes.
San Diego Chargers 31 Kansas City Chiefs 28
Philip Rivers turns in a vintage performance tossing three scores to Antonio Gates (if he could do it to the Super Bowl bound Seahawks in 2014, he can do it to the Chiefs in 2016). The games ends when Kansas City misses a game tying 48 yard field goal.
Buffalo Bills 30 Baltimore Ravens 20
Rex Ryan’s seat gets a little less hot as his Bills run all over his former defense. Joe Flacco looks less than elite while he shakes off the rust that accumulated from missing the final six games of 2015.
Chicago Bears 17 Houston Texans 24
Brock Osweiler makes Texan’s GM Rick Smith look like a genius (for now) by throwing for three scores. The bears defense, like almost all NFL defenses, doesn’t have anyone who can cover DeAndre Hopkins who finishes the game with two TD’s. Despite still recovering from offseason surgery, J.J. Watt collects 1.5 sacks.
Green Bay Packers 35 Jacksonville Jaguars 42
The Jags spoil Jordy Nelson’s return to the field with an all out aerial assault by Blake Bortles and his deep receiving core. This match up is a track meet from start to finish and features only two punts.
Miami Dolphins 13 Seattle Seahawks 33
The Fins beefed up their pass rush this offseason which normally would give you an advantage when you play a team with a weak offensive line like Seattle. However Russell Wilson thrives when teams send pressure at him. This game will feature lots of Wilson running around behind the line of scrimmage then finding a wide open Doug Baldwin for a first down.
New York Giants 27 Dallas Cowboys 21
Ezekiel Elliott has a field day in his debut racking up over 140 yards on the ground. The game remains close but the Giants are able to ice it when new head coach Ben Mcadoo doesn’t mismanage the clock and leaves Dak Prescott no time to try and go on a game winning drive.
Detroit Lions 23 Indianapolis Colts 40
The post megatron era in Detroit is kicked off by getting thrashed by the Colts. Andrew Luck returns to pre injury form and passes at will on the hapless Lions defense.
New England Patriots 14 Arizona Cardinals 38
It’s never wise to bet against Bill Belichick but with Tom Brady out serving the first of his four game suspension, it’s hard to his team going into Arizona and leaving with a victory. The Pats are a slightly above average team sans Brady and the well above average Cardinals beat them as such.
Pittsburgh Steelers 17 Washington 28
The Steelers offense has a hard time making plays without all of its play makers on the field. Big Ben comes out flat throwing one touchdown and two picks. Jordan Reed finally becomes a household name by crossing the century mark in receiving yards and snagging two touchdowns.
Los Angeles Rams 19 San Francisco 49ers 13
Week one is wrapped up with what could be the most unexciting game of the week. The niners have a hard time running against the best front seven in the league and they make up for it by not pass blocking. Blaine Gabbert finishes the night with a completion percentage less than 60 and Todd Gurley has more rushing yards than his quarterback Case Keenum.